If you follow this blog, you already know my cycle. Once every few months, I will fall into a mood where I start to get down on myself and doubt everything that I do. This past week has been that "once every few months" time for me.
It's an ongoing cycle that for some reason I can't seem to break, but somehow keep overcoming just to fall back in again. I've taken some time tonight to think about what it is that brings me out of my funk each time I fall back in. What I've decided is that each time I get like this, I end up letting go...
I don't let go in the sense that I give up on everything. I just let go of the things that cause me so much anxiety and worry. Too often in my life, I start to focus on the things around me that I have no control over. I feel like I'm writing a blog that I've already written time and time again, but it feels so different each time it happens. It's so difficult to explain what's going through my head (hell, half of the time, I don't even know).
I've seen a lot of people posting online each day of this month about one thing in their lives that they are thankful for. I realized this evening, that since the beginning of November, I've done nothing but focus on the things that I don't have. In the words of Conor Oberst, "my mind races with all my longings, but can't keep up with what I've got." While everyone around me is taking time out of each day to acknowledge what they are thankful for in their lives, I'm too damn stubborn to even pick out 1 thing that I'm thankful for in half of a month.
You may not need to read this, but the fact is, I need to write it. The only reason that I've continued to post these for everyone to read is because I've had people tell me that what I wrote helped them through the same things that I was feeling. Sometimes I lose track of what matters, and I stop trying to follow my heart. Writing is a perfect way for me to do that. Sometimes, simply stopping to type a paragraph about what I'm truly feeling will open my eyes to what is actually happening around me. It's very therapeutic.
Anyways, I try to end every blog I write by setting a goal for myself, so here it goes...
I will get back to worrying only about the things in my life that I can fix. I will stop thinking about all of the things that I don't have, and start to acknowledge the ones that I do have and actually show thanks for them. I will "let go", because life is too short to be anything but happy.
That's it for this one. Happy early Thanksgiving to me, and anybody reading...
